Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
