Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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