I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
