I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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