I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize