Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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