the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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