yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i now understand why vodka
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize