Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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