I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
