yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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