I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
