I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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