I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
