my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
