Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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