Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
