So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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