I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I only lived at night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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