u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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