At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
