There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize