So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
