if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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