Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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