community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
