She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
