Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize