He asked to "fluff my boner.."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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