Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
