you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
