During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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