Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize