I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
