He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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