I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
