Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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