I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
