Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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