dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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