Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
