so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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