Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
