My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
