it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
