So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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