So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
