i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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