Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
