farters have to be the big spoon...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
