One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
