she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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