Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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