They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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