I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
