On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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