Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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