he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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