Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
