He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
