i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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