he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
