Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
