I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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