I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
