I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
