Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
