If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
