I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
