i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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