I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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