i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
