thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
