he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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