he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
